— Alex Haley
]]>— Mark Twain
]]>— Marcus Aurelius
]]>— The Merry Wives of Windsor
]]>— Pink Floyd, One Slip, A Momentary Lapse of Reason 1987
]]>* The are 1.4 kilometers in one Sheppey
* We ate a sh\*t ton of bacon for breakfast
* After drinking umpteen bullfights, I vomited on her shoes
Statements like the first example are used when you require accuracy. These are used when the actual measurement is known or important. The second statement is of the form where the actual amount isn’t actually important. The most important part of the statement is that you had bacon. The delicious amount is irrelevant. Finally, sometimes you just don’t know what the heck happened last night. The number is relevant, but unknown. Indefinite numbers like “umpteen” make their appearances here.
So what is an umpteen anyway? An umpty is an indefinite number. Umpty can also be used as slang for a “dash” in Morse code. Umpteen is just a colloquialism of umpty and -teen, as in numbers greater than twelve but less than twenty. Unless you are throwing holy hand grenades at killer rabbits, it generally takes a number greater than twelve to have any humor value. Numbers greater then twenty are tedious and difficult to visualize in our minds.
Next time you refer to a number, think about what you are saying and how accurate you are being. After saying “umpteen” for the bazillionth time, I thought I should probably understand where the word comes from.
]]>The state of Illinois grows 90-95% of the pumpkins in the U.S. so you can stab them with large knives to make scary faces, roast their seeds, and hurl them 5,545.43 feet for a world record. Next time you are in Morton, Illinois sipping on your coffee (also a seed from a fruit, not a bean) waiting for the Central Illinois Banjo Club to blow the Fall in, think about what it really means for something to be a fruit or a vegetable. Do you know the difference?
Fruits are the ovaries that contain the seeds that will help to propagate further generations of these delicious plants. A vegetable can be any part of a plant including the stems, leaves, or even roots. A fruit can be considered a vegetable, but not all vegetables can be considered fruits. You could certainly make arguments about scientific vs. culinary definitions of “fruit” and “vegetable”, especially when considering things like peas, peppers, cucumbers, and tomatoes.
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